I’m sitting in my car right now in a Wal-Mart parking lot, with the engine running and the AC flowing, allowing me to write to you in comfort and peace. I sometimes come here to sit by myself, sometimes for hours, and just brainstorm. I think about you, I think about how quickly time passes. I do my best to come up with new ideas to make a quick buck, to help others, to find a new avenue not yet traveled. Many of my ideas are not feasible at this point in time, but they will become true.
Please know I think about you every single day of my life. I know you think of me too, and worry about me. I blame myself because I don’t call often enough. But I don’t want to bother you. I don’t want to say, “Hey Mom, how’s it going?” and then not be able to tell you about my day, about my true goals, and about how happy I am in that moment, talking to you.
I want you to know you raised me right. I am intelligent, respectful and appreciative, because of you. I grow everyday because of you. You are my first priority, my greatest motivation. You are my drive, and as you know, my #1 goal is to buy you a house. When I tell you this over the phone I hear you laughing, but I also hear your smile. I know you believe in me. That’s why I believe in me.
I am sacrificing everything I have, everything I am to accomplish a lot of goals. There’s many smaller accomplishments I must attain before I can get you that house. I am patient, but I worry how long this will take. You’re birthday is next month, and I get emotional thinking how many more you have to go through before I can give you that special gift. I wonder, and worry, how many more birthdays you may have at all. I want you to know I am doing my best. I have never been happier or more successful as I am right now.
You are the only thing that can stop me in my tracks and make me sit back and shed tears, wake me up and remind me that I have a reason for what I’m doing. My journey is worth the end result. My dreams are real, they just haven’t played out yet.
But I’ve been lying to you Mom. And I’m sorry. It was meant only to protect your heart.
I am homeless. I have been homeless since I drove down here 14 months ago. But this is not a bad thing. I promise I am ok, and I have been ok, and will be ok. I must live out of my car so I can save as much money as possible. It helps motivate me to get up and out and accomplish something everyday. I wake up with the sun, drive to FedEx Office and sit there for 8 hours and work on my client projects, and many other side projects for Pauly and his film career. I do a lot everyday, moreso than I would if I was living in a box somewhere wasting 80% of my hard earned income.
I never told you that I sleep in my car in a Wal-Mart parking lot every night because I knew you’d only worry. And I don’t know how long this is going to take. My goal is to make you smile everyday, not cry. I am doing this for a reason. This is not your fault, this is my choice. I could have stayed with a friend somewhere, but that would restrict my progress, and only add more stress.
I wish I could tell you exactly what I do everyday. I wish I could tell you that I help make people smile. I help people appreciate what they have just a little more than if they never knew about me. I am somehow inspiring people Mom. And that’s because of you. I have become not just a business owner, and a happy person, but an advocate for others. I meet people who live on the streets, in their vehicles, I even toured Union Rescue Mission in Los Angeles, right on Skid Row. I walked Skid Row, and saw what you do not see anywhere else. They inspire me, and so I inspire them.
When I met with the CEO Rev. Andy Bales of URM, he said something towards the end of the private tour he gave me of the entire facility, which made me think of you right away. Andy said, “You’re a good man.” I’m even choking up typing that. My response to that was, “You know, my Mom is the only one that doesn’t know I’m homeless.” As I said that my voice kind of squeaked. I don’t know if he noticed, but I had to hold back the tears. I knew by him saying that, that I am making you proud, Mom. Even though I have nothing to show for it right now, I know I am doing something right.
To be continued…
feel free to add your comments below and I will send them all to my mom so she can read them as well. thank you.